Perspective

I believe that so much in this life, and how you feel is based on perspective.

A couple weeks ago a wonderful woman in our ward  gave a talk and told 2 stories about a trip she went on. In one story she told about all of the horrible things that happened on the trip, and seriously it sounded like one of the worst trips anyone's ever been on. Then she told a second story, same trip. In this story she told everything good that happened on this trip and it sounded like a completely different trip. At one point I even asked Dan, wait was she talking about the same trip in both of those stories?

I've really been thinking about this a lot the past few weeks as we've had quite a few ups and downs. It's really been quite the emotional month and half. I wanted to sort of mimic that woman's talk and let our family and close friends who read our blog in on a little bit of what's been going on in our CRAZY but AMAZING life.

Ever since Lynden was born I have been looking forward to her first Christmas. Like so much so, that every time I would think about her first Christmas, and leaving cookies for Santa and opening presents I would cry.. not even joking. Well Christmas comes around and she wakes up crying at 2:30 am. She has a fever of 102 and I am soooo sick I can hardly even pick her up and help her. Dan rocked and finally got her back to sleep around 4 and I fell asleep too. We woke up around 7:30 and she was doing much better, however I was basically on my death bed. We got up, opened presents and I went straight back to bed. I slept for all but about 2 hours on Christmas day. I got up one time to get something to drink and Lyndie put her arms out to me and started to crying. She wanted me to hold her so bad, but I was so weak and afraid of getting her sick. I had to walk away from my crying daughter on Christmas, I started crying too, and it was so sad even Dan started crying.. awful!! Anyway a few days later I am all better and find out that this scratch I got on my hand a few weeks before turned into a massive infection and grew a cyst. So I was in and out of urgent care and they finally opened it up and cut out the cyst and I lost full use of my right hand for 2 days. Then on Dan's Birthday I had to take Lynden in to Urgent care because she had an ear infection. So for a couple weeks we are all basically feeling pretty okay. Then I am taking a shower one night and get VERY sick.. the only time I ever felt like this was when I was pregnant with Lynden. I got out and new right away I was pregnant. I took a test (2 actually) and sure enough, Positive! We were not trying and were VERY surprised but began getting VERY VERY excited. We waited a little bit and then decided it was time to tell our families. So I made a cute shirt Lynden was going to wear saying: "I am gunna be a BIG sister!" and we were going to Facetime with them and let them all in on the news. The morning we were about to do this I started bleeding. I went in to the doctor and got blood work and an ultrasound and the numbers were so low they said I was either miscarrying or I wasn't as far along as we'd thought. (We were thinking I was about 6 weeks) That night I bled and bled and bled. I stood in the shower bawling and basically watched it run down the drain. I went in the next day and sure enough my numbers had dropped by over 60. They confirmed that I was in fact miscarrying the baby. ((On a side note, Dan had given me a blessing and I am feeling very much at peace with everything, I know that the Lord has another plan for us, that involves a baby at another time. And we are so thankful for all of the prayers from our loved ones during that time))

Now, here is our last month and half from a completely different perspective. My side of the family was all together for Christmas in Minnesota and there really wasn't a way for us to see them because of the cost of tickets and Dan and I had decided to spend Lynden's first Christmas at home. Well due to my business going so well I was able to buy a VERY last minute plane ticket for Lynden and I to go out to Minnesota and  Lynden was able to meet her Uncle she hadn't met yet. And we got to go to my brother's girlfriends baptism. Then we came home and had a bunch of Dan's family over to spend Christmas Eve at our house. Lynden got a little sick Christmas eve, but was completely better by morning and acting like nothing ever happened. My bram business took off, and I started doing "deals" on Very Jane (veryjane.com) selling these little gauze wraps you wrap your baby in for their newborn photos and they have done SOOOO well. I wanted to bring in a little extra money to help us out each month, and I have been making more money than when I was working full time. Dan then came home from work last week after meeting with his boss who had just told him that they were basically putting him in the fast lane for an awesome promotion this summer (He just got one last summer) and put him completely in charge of one of their biggest accounts!! Lynden has been growing and developing exactly as she should. She has never had any seriously problems or illnesses. We are just so incredibly blessed.

Dan & I have just been talking about all of these things a lot over the last few weeks and thinking we could be really down right now and feeling bad about some things, but we are sooo happy right now. We feel so blessed and so grateful for all of the things we have. We have a home, we live in a beautiful warm place, we have an amazing loving relationship, we have beautiful healthy daughter and are both doing so well at our jobs. We really couldn't ask for more. So while our life is not perfect by any means we just alway try our best to thank God every single night for all that we DO have. All that we have been blessed with. And for the perspective to see and be so grateful for these things.

Our Little Lyndie Lou Who!

I can't believe my little girl is almost 3 months!! The time has gone by sooo incredibly fast!! She is so fun to play with and is learning new things everyday! We have so much fun playing with her and laughing with her. She is getting quite the personality and it's so fun to see. She isn't much of a snuggler, so when she does want to snuggle I take full advantage of it, cause it doesn't happen often. :)

Our Sweet Lynden

We've gotten her on a really good (quite strict) schedule and she is good at sticking with it. She wakes up at 7:30 (almost to the minute) every morning- she is SOOO smiley when she first wakes up, when I go in there she is just laying in there smiling at the picture above her bed, I tell her good morning and she gives me a big huge grin, then she eats, and gets dressed. Then on Mon, Wed , and Fri we go for a walk at about 8:30 with my friend Meredith and her litte girl, Ainsley, who is 6 months- SO FUN! We usually go between 3-5.5 miles, so she takes a nap on the walk and then when we get home I shower and she sits in her bouncer and listens to music (Tues & Thurs I go to spin class at the gym so in the morning we hang out and read stories or watch Baby Einsteins or have dance parties.. she likes Lady Gaga.. don't judge me..). Then at 11:30 she eats again and after that it's play time.. we go to the pool, or beach club or read stories or go to lunch with friends, and during this time she'll take another nap. Then at 3:30 she eats again- we try not to let her sleep after this feeding. So there is alot of playing with her, walking around outside, giving her a bath and such to keep her awake. Then at 7:30 she eats, we put her in her jammies, swaddle her up, say prayers and lay her in bed. She is very good at putting herself to sleep. Then she sleeps all the way through til 7:30 the next morning. She started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, and yes, now she sleeps 11 1/2 hours straight!!

Mommy & Lyndie- we are bestest friends!! <3 td="td">

She is so awesome! She is very independent and doesn't need to be held all the time, sometimes she actually prefers just sitting by herself in her bouncer, swing or stroller. It was so funny, we were at the pool with some friends on Monday and she got a little fussy so I put her in stroller and she got quite immediately and within 5 minutes put herself to sleep.. my friend thought it was so amazing that she did that.. Everyone that spends more than a day with her makes sure we know that we have such a good 'easy' baby. We do know it! We feel so blessed & just love her so much, and we makes sure she knows that! We tell her sooo many times during the day and cover her in kisses!! She's just so sweet!! We love this time with just her but we are already getting excited to give her a sibling to play with!! ;)

1 Month of Lynden

It's official! My sweet Little Lyndie Lou Who is 1 Month!! Someone please tell me how this happened!! Everyone tells you to enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast- and it is SO true!! I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital, but everyday I look at her I realize she is no longer looking like my little newborn anymore. It's very bittersweet.

She makes me heart smile everyday. She is seriously the sweetest thing! She brings so much joy to our lives. We love to just look at her and play with her, and it' so fun to see her learn new things, and she is such a happy baby!!

We went in to her 1 month appointment today and she is up to 9 lbs 1 oz (she was born at 7 lbs 8 oz) and she's 22 1/4 inches (born at 20 in). She is 90% for height and 50% for weight.. tall and skinny.. just like daddy! She is still fitting into all of her Newborn clothes, but we do play dress up a lot.. which is basically me trying on all of her cute 0-3 month clothes to see if they fit yet.. they don't. But I actually kinda love it cuz it means she's still my itty bitty girl for a few more days.. (there are few things that we may have to retire very soon).

I have found that I have started looking forward to things way more than I ever have. I cannot wait for all of her "firsts"; Halloween, Christmas, Birthdays.. I can't wait to see the next stages of her life, to see her smile and hear her giggle. To see her personality start to come out and what color her eyes will be. I just have so much love for this little girl it's incredible! She is truly such a blessing and we are so grateful to have had her join our little family!! 

This bunny was the first "gift" from mommy! I wanted to put it next to her in all of her Monthly pictures to see her grow next to it!

This me when I was a baby.. not really it's Lynden, but it could be me. She's my little clone.

Lynden Kristine

After weeks of anticipation and preparation our beautiful little angel has graced this world with breathtaking presence. I've finally gotten a moment between taking millions and millions of pictures and spending hour after hour staring at my absolutely perfect daughter to write her birthing story. For as short as my labor was this a pretty long story. I just want to remember every detail. :)

We had a long few weeks after my doctor put me on bed rest for preterm labor the end of April.We were told that even after being put on bed rest and taking the medication to stop my contractions, our little girl would most likely be born early. There was still a small chance that she would be born on or after her due date, but that chances were very very slim. So for the past 5 weeks we were looking for signs everywhere to let us know if this was the moment that our little girl was on her way out to meet us. We went into the hospital 3 different times during those weeks thinking "this might be it", only to be sent home with no baby. But this last visit was totally different.

I went in for my Dr.'s appointment on Tuesday May 22, and she checked my cervix; I was still 3 cm dilated and about 90% effaced. She knew I had been waiting around for so long for this little girl to come so she stripped my membranes while I was there in hopes that this might start something. Because I was already so dilated and effaced she said I just needed to get regular contractions and then come in. She gave me some labor-inducing homework and let me know that if was going to work that it should within 48 hours, if not she'd see me next Tuesday. I went home and did all the things she told me to do and started having contractions. They were coming every 3 minutes but weren't very strong so I decided to try and go to sleep and see what happened. I woke up Wednesday morning and the contractions were gone. Dan and I then went and walked about a mile around the lake by our house. Still no regular contractions, so I sent Dan off to work.

Friday rolls around and still no baby, so I decided it was time for a new mind set. I had been waiting and waiting thinking this baby is coming anytime for weeks, and that was not working for me. Plus most first time moms usually go after their due date anyway. So I decided that as long as I had this little girl by June 3rd (4 days after my due date) I would be just fine, so I gave up hopes for early labor.

Saturday morning we woke up and Dan decided he was going to paint our guest (well I guess it will be Lynden's) bathroom. So he starts working on that. I helped him do a little taping and then I did some cleaning around the house. Around 5:00 Dan decided to go do the second coat of paint. I pulled up Grey's Anatomy (my guilty pleasure during my whole bed rest) on Netflix and started a new episode.

At 5:23pm I get hit with my first contraction. I knew right away this was very different than any other contraction I had ever had. I was doubled over on the floor moaning, and Dan could hear me from up in the bathroom. At first he thought it was part of Grey's and then realized there was no other noise - just a lot of moaning. I was in so much pain I couldn't even call up to him. He walked over to the landing (still holding the paint roller) and I see him out of the corner of my eye. I told him it hurt so bad. He came down and rubbed my back for a second and then told me to time contractions and went back up to keep painting. 3 minutes later the next one hits. He comes down and realizes this might actually be it and so he goes up and tries to finish the wall he was working on, and I lay back down to try and finish my show. 3 min later the next one comes even harder. I end up doubled over on the floor again and this time start crying, and he comes running down. I told him we were going to hospital NOW. I called my Dr. and let her know I was headed to hospital.

We grabbed all of our stuff and ran out the door. The contractions were coming on much harder and started getting a little closer, about every 2 1/2 minutes. Dan drove like a mad man to the hospital as I am crying and screaming and telling him to slow down, (with each contraction he drove faster and faster). We finally make it to the hospital (we live about 40 minutes away), and Dan runs to grab a wheel chair (a little old man helped him - really sweet of him) and wheels me in. It's about 6:30 now and I am finally laying in the hospital bed having contractions about every 2 minutes. The nurse checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I let them know I was more than ready for my epidural.

Since I had just gotten there they needed to do a few things first, fill out a medical history form, run a blood test, and hook me up to an IV. One of the nurses there talked me through how to get through a contraction without turning into a crazy woman. At 7:30 I was having contractions coming every minute, and the most amazing person walks through the door - my anesthesiologist - and gives me my epidural. 

I lay there happy as can be because I am finally no longer in pain, and at 7:45 my water breaks. A little after 8:00 they decide to check and see where I am. My nurse, who by the way is the most amazing nurse at Hoag, Lauren, checks me and lets me know that I am complete - that is, 10 cm dilated. She said they would let me labor down a little bit before I started pushing and then call my Doctor when it seems like the baby might be coming.

At this point I am just in shock. Only 3 hours ago I was laying on my couch watching tv and now I am about to have a baby!! At 9:15pm my nurse asks if I want to try and start pushing and see if our little girl is ready to come out. I pushed a couple times, and she said it was time to call my Doctor to come over. (She was about 15 min from hospital). I push through about 5 more contractions and Lauren tells me I need to stop, close my legs and roll on my side. This little girl was about to come out, and my Doctor had just pulled in the parking lot.

My doctor, (Dr. Rhonda Flora- BEST OB EVER) walks in at about 9:30pm and sets up her stuff. She tells me to give a big push. Out comes my little girl's head! She cleared out her mouth & throat and told me to push one more time, BIG push and Lynden is born at 9:40pm. They lay her on my chest and Dan cuts the cord.

I still cannot even begin to describe the emotions that I had at that moment. Everything about her was completely perfect. She had these big chunky cheeks and beautiful eyes and a kiss on her lips! She also had a little mark between her eyes on her forehead, they let me know this is normal and they call it an angel kiss. I looked at her and told her that it was a Jesus kiss. Jesus loved her so much he had to give her a little kiss before he sent her down to us.

The whole experience was incredibly amazing. We are so completely head over heels for our little girl. I cannot look at her enough, hold her enough, or kiss her enough. She is so perfect in every single way, and I just feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has trusted me with such a beautiful little spirit.

Right before my epidural trying to breath through a contraction.

Dan & I

Of course my BFF, Amanda, was there to cheer me on!

Proud Daddy with his little girl!

Mommy & her angel.

Getting her hearing test done. She looked so cute like a little DJ. She passed!

Our new little family!

Our sweet little Lyndie Lou! We Love you!

Getting ready to go home!

Welcome Home Lynden!!

My awesome friend Tifany came over and decorated before we got home.

No More Bed Rest!!

So after 2 weeks of bed rest and 10 doctor/ hospital visits, I am officially off of bed rest! They are still continuing to monitor me & our little baby girl, but I am no longer confined to my bed and couch. It was a very long and rough 2 weeks. Finding out our baby was having heart problems and my fluid levels going crazy, having to leave my job early, not being able to go anywhere except to the hospital or doctors office, really became quite emotionally draining. 
I just want to thank everyone who stopped by, everyone who called, everyone who brought me treats, everyone who just thought about us, and especially everyone who prayed for us. I have such a strong testimony on the power of prayer and the effects it can have and I know that the reason things are looking so much better, and the reason I feel so much better, physically, and emotionally, is because we had so many people praying for us. So thank you, Thank you so much!
At this point they will continue to watch her heart and my fluid levels, but if she decides she wants to grace this beautiful world with her beautiful presence they won't try and stop her. We are hoping she will at least wait until Friday when my Doctor gets back from her vacation. (Which I think is VERY likely!!) Hey we might even make it to 40 weeks, I am not hoping for this, nor do the doctors think that will happen, but hey you never know!

Bed Rest Day 4

As much as it seems like it would be the easiest, best thing in the world to just lay around all day with nothing to do.. it's NOT!! Especially when you have a new house and a new little baby coming! I have been doing really well at staying down and not doing anything to help out but it's hard work!

My dad came into town Saturday and stayed the night and it was so great having him here! He was able to help Dan out with a lot of things around the house. They put together Lynden's pack n' play so she would have somewhere to sleep when she gets home. We got the one that has the little bassinet at the top, we are having her sleep in our room the first couple weeks and then are moving her into her room. Then Dan laid out my yoga mat and a bunch pillows for me on her bedroom floor and they put up her crib, (Which turned out BEAUTIFUL! Even more beautiful than I remember it being in the store!) hung some pictures, and other decor I had gotten for her room!

Then on Sunday afternoon- I got back to my yoga mat bed in her nursery and Dan put away all of her clothes and blankies and toys and books and everything. I was the dictator and told him where everything went. And apparently I am more anal then he realized because when I am doing things I just do it all analy but I don't say it out loud so it doesn't seem as obsessive compulsive as it really is. But he heard a lot of "straighten that out" "put that blanket on top of that one cuz it's cuter" "fold that better" "tuck that tag in" etc. Then I had to have a little pregnant moment and start sobbing because I should be the one doing all of this and I can't. My poor husband.. I am so grateful he is so loving and patient.

Then come about 4:00 Monday morning I wake up to some very intense contractions. My doctor had prepared me for this and told me to monitor them and if they were regular at all to call her. They were coming every 5-6 minutes but were only lasting about 20-30 seconds each. After about the 5th or 6th one they stopped, but we both had a hard time falling back to sleep after that, so Dan decided that he would work from home that day just to be on the safe side.

Tuesday he asked if I wanted him to stay home again, but my friend was coming to visit in the morning and a girl in my new ward was stopping by in the afternoon so I told him to just go to work and I would call him if I needed anything. So Amanda came over and hung out with me for a few hours and a little after she left, around 12:30, I felt a gush of liquid. I called Dan and told him I wasn't totally sure what it was and he suggest I call my Dr. (he's quite the thinker)

So I call my Doctors office and talk to my nurse there, Joann, and she says it's most likely my water and that I need to go right over to Labor and Delivery. At this point I start freaking out, I call Dan back, sobbing, and tell him to come get me. I start running around the house like a mad woman throwing the last minute things into the hospital bag. I couldn't think straight at all! You always wonder how your going to react when the time comes, and now I know! After freaking out for a little bit however, I did settle down and as soon as Dan got home I was completely calm.

We got in the car and headed over to the hospital. They got me all checked in and started with a test to see if it was my water. The nurse thought for sure that my water hadn't broke because I didn't have a continuous flow, however she said I did have a lot of cervical mucous still and that might be what it was. After sending the test to the lab she came back in and told me that it came back posative. My heart skipped about 3 beats. I'm sitting there thinking Oh my Gosh, I am about to have this baby!

She then tells me she is still not convinced that it was my water and that they want to run a few more tests just to make sure. So they send me up to fetal diagnostics and do some ultrasounds to check my fluid levels. Everything looked normal. So I get back to my room and the nurse tells me that she talked to the Doctor there he thought that because I still had so much cervical mucous that it may have given them a false positive on the test and that he was going to come do the test himself and take it to the lab and check it himself.

He runs the test and it came back negative. They call my doctor and let her know and she let them discharge me but they said I needed to go back in today to double check everything one more time. So today I go back in at 1:00 to make sure everything still looks good and that I can keep this girl cookin just a few more weeks! But as of today we have reached our first goal! Make it to 35 weeks!

Bed Rest: Day 1

So I have been completely horrible at keeping up on our blog posting, and I always say I will be better and then never am.. so this time I will not make any promises, however right now I do have the time to keep up since I was put on bed rest yesterday when I went in for my 34 week appointment. ( I will explain why in a bit)

The timing actually worked in our favor a little bit however because 2 weeks ago we moved into our first home! Thankfully we were able to get everything moved in- the nursery painted- and most everything put away. So now Dan is trying to do all the little things that need finishing up before our sweet little girl comes!

So last Wednesday (about a week and half ago) I was taking a nice relaxing bath in my big new tub! (one of my favorite parts of our new house) And when I went to get out, it felt like this little girl was about to drop right out of me; I seriously thought she was going to. I grabbed the lower part of my stomach and tried to hold her in (as if that would really help, but I guess that was my awesome pregnant mind's reaction). Later I realized she was not really up in my ribs anymore, and I felt a lot more pressure down below- she had "Dropped".

Then that Saturday we went to get the paint to get started on her nursery. We were walking around Lowe's, and I ended up in so much pain that I had to go sit in the car while Dan finished shopping. I figured it was just all of the pressure from her sitting so low now. After we got home I was feeling a bit better so I helped Dan do all the taping and a little bit of the painting in her room. (this was like a 12 hour project that took us 2 days) We painted one wall a soft pink and the other three we did brown and cream horizontal stripes- (a lot of taping work).

After all of this I was in so much pain I could hardly walk on my own. I called the nurse hot line that is offered through my insurance and she said I should just rest and drink a lot of fluids. By Monday I was feeling a lot better, but had lots of pain all week. I figured it was just the pressure of her being so far down.

Then on Thursday- I went over to the mall to exchange a shirt I had gotten for my maternity pictures (which were supposed to be today- not happening) on my lunch break, and as I was walking back to my car I felt a gush. (if you get grossed out by this stuff you can skip this paragraph.. otherwise keep reading..) I thought oh no, did I just pee myself? I heard all of these horror stories of people being later in their pregnancy and peeing themselves. Then I wondered if maybe I was leaking amniotic fluid or if my water had broken.

I tried walking as fast as my little pregnant self could to my car, got in, and took a look to see what happened. I knew within seconds what it was- I had lost my mucous plug. I got on my phone and called my doctors office and left a message for the nurse, Joann, to call me back. I got back to work and she called me back within a few minutes. I explained what had happened and she said as long as I wasn't bleeding or having a watery fluid then I should be okay, and to wait to come in to my appointment tomorrow; otherwise if the watery stuff started coming, to head over to labor and delivery. Luckily, there was no watery stuff.

So then on Friday I go into my Doctor appointment and explained everything to her and let her know I thought that she dropped last week, and she decided to do an exam. So first she checked me- everything was perfect, not too much swelling- good weight gain- etc. Then she checked baby. She was doing perfect too! Measured in at 34 weeks, and her heart sounded perfect.

Then she does her exam.

First she did a culture to make sure I wasn't leaking any amniotic fluid- PASSED! Then she checked to make sure I didn't have an infection- PASSED! Then she decided she would check my cervix. Her face became concerned. She became serious, and calmly told me I was dilated to a 2 and 60% effaced. And by the way, both of these numbers at 34 weeks should be 0.
She then let me know that if I had not come in and gotten checked, I would most likely be having a baby next week. She put me on strict bed rest- bed, couch, period. And gave me a prescription to take every 6 hours to stop the contractions.

She said we need to get to at least 35 weeks, because 35 week babies are take-home babies! I want a take-home baby!! :) She also let me know there is a very, very small chance I could still make it to 40 weeks - but we'd be lucky to make it to 37 - and that right now our first goal is to make it to 35. Then hopefully 36. She said after that they won't try to stop it, but I need to make to at least next week.

Dan is rushing trying to get all of the things done by himself that we thought we had 6 more weeks to do together. He put a shower liner on my side of the bed last night under the sheets (in case my water breaks in the middle of the night- good idea people- I hear there is no "drying out" amniotic fluid from a mattress). He just installed the car seat, and I made a list of everything to pack in the hospital bag. My dad gets here today and he's going to help him set up the crib and finish putting her room together.

Hopefully we still have a few more weeks to let her get a little bigger and a little stronger. But either way we just pray for a happy healthy little girl! And I will just enjoy this resting and relaxing until my sweet little girl comes from her Heavenly Father's arms to ours.